Suppose there’s something weird about me. Or maybe it’s about Ciel.

I suffer from a disorder called hypersexuality (fucking look it up). And no, not everyone experiences it, no, it’s not just my hormones, no, no, shut up. Hypersexuality stems off from sexual trauma and from what my husband has told me (you know, about being Bipolar) it can stem from that too.

And yes, I’m valid. My fucking brother raped me when I was 4-6-years old. I was held captive by a creature you all call Sebastian Michaelis. I was used as his slave, and no, it wasn’t fun.

In fact, I considered myself asexual until I managed to find Ciel again.

And that asshole makes me crave him. When we meet I especially want to shove him down into the mattress and show him who’s always been in charge. Punish him. But the moment he smiles, the moment he speaks in that tone that just makes me melt, I’m helpless and he knows it.

He knows how to make me want to get down on my knees like a loyal dog and beg him to abuse me. And I don’t have leverage over him anymore. The other day he literally told me “Go to bed, Elizabeth, that is an order.”

That’s hot.

But what was even hotter was that even though I tried to wiggle my way out of kink territory he remained firm and unrelenting, so cold. I couldn’t tell if he was acting or if he was really irritated with me. But that last part is less hot. Because in truth I’m terrified of his anger.

My birthday is on January 1st. And for my birthday, he made me so flustered I desperately tried to get off until I couldn’t anymore, especially since I can’t even achieve orgasm on my own because I’m so used to having his hands all over me.

Guh.

So when exactly does dice come into play?

He had two. They were primarily black with little gold dots. They were a bit sharper on the edges. And because of him, whenever I see dice I suddenly get soaked. Sopping wet, instantly. Whenever he really wanted to torture me is when he brought them out, and I fucking loved them.

And after spending two days fixated on trying to remember them, Ciel looks at me and says, “Well, now that we’ve remembered that, I’ll keep in mind to buy a pair.”

Guh.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s