Today is grey.
I simply adore the rain. I love rain, thunderstorms, you name it. But sometimes, I just don’t like how negative the day can get. For most people it seems, a grey, rainy day brings them down and makes them miserable. I don’t know what it is, but while I’m happy and cheerful, people are down in the dumps and then try to bring me down too.
Even if it isn’t on purpose, they’ll say or do things that make me react, and when I react, they take it as a personal offense.
I love rainy days. I don’t like cloudy days. Cloudy days are a weird in-between of rain and sun, and remind me of snow.
And snow is just depressing.
Most children love wintertime because Christmas comes and the the New Years is right afterwards. I used to think I had seasonal depression, but after finding out I might be bipolar, it suddenly makes sense. But wintertime reminds me of when the Phantomhive manor burned down, of when I thought I lost my beloved Ciel… autumn does to. It was autumn when my mother gave me the worst willow lashing of my life. Though the weather and colours in autumn are gorgeous, I end up remembering two of my many emotional traumas.
I’ve always navigated the world in colours and pictures. In fact, I don’t even read like most people do. I don’t read the letters or the sounds, I see the word and recognize it as a picture. Then, I associate the arrangement of symbols to a mental image. Then I have to translate that into sounds and words when I speak, so that people around me understand.
So it’s fundamentally much easier to type than speak, even though if you spoke to me you wouldn’t be able to tell all of that is going on in my head since my words come from my mouth a million-miles-per-minute.
And words I don’t know I can’t pronounce because I’ve basically never seen them before and I don’t have a set sound for it.
But anyway, before coming to this body, I had synesthesia. The kind where you hear sounds and see colours. I was a prodigy at playing the piano because I knew each note had a colour. I can’t play anymore because this unit doesn’t have synesthesia.
And without it, the world is a bit greyer than before.